


love ?

by sowish



Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: (nayeon wants to know know know know), F/F, What is love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-13
Updated: 2018-04-13
Packaged: 2019-04-22 07:39:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14303973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sowish/pseuds/sowish
Summary: Nayeon wants her life to be a rom-com. Minus the male lead and with Sana Minatozaki and Momo Hirai instead.





	love ?

**Author's Note:**

> i took nayeon as mia thermopolis and Ran; ran so far that i ended up here.

Nayeon doesn’t know what love is.

 

By rom-com protocol, the nerdy outcast girl is supposed to be a “dignified headstrong individual” and as the movie goes on, the football jock who is supposed to be leagues away from her reach falls for her nonchalance and care-free attitude. That, or, the nerdy outcast girl is a bumbling and shy mess that the out-of-her-league football jock initially laughs with his friends at. But however, he ends up falling for because of her scattered-brain and timidness all thanks to the fate of a forced partnered group project. (Extra rom-com points if the footballer is a secret theater geek and they’re paired to play Romeo and Juliet by random draw.)

 

According to the rom-com checklist, Nayeon has got the “bumbling and shy mess nerdy outcast girl” thing down. Check.

 

But here’s the thing. Boys reek of desperation for validity and hurt man-pride and even then, boys just weren’t her type even if they didn’t stink of Axe. “Being straight”. Unchecked, and will never be checked if girls existed.

 

So. Great. The rom-com love life Nayeon has fantasized about ended before it could even start.

 

But, senior year, Nayeon learns that maybe rom-coms don’t need to be followed to the T for them to be possible. Nayeon doesn’t know what love is but she thinks she gets a pretty good idea of what it is the first time she sees Sana Minatozaki.

 

Sana Minatozaki, a Japanese transfer who somehow has the ability to have the whole world in the palm of her hands, has Nayeon sitting right in the center of it. In fact, Nayeon can recall the exact moment where she (figuratively) sat cross-legged, chin handed it, and decided to spend her time focusing her gaze on the the girl.

 

_Nayeon has a routine every morning. She wakes up, eats, brushes her teeth, changes into her too-big uniform handed down from her sister, and leaves for school via motor-scooter. (She’s working on getting that licence; she’s tired of arriving to school out of breath and sweating under her blazer. Motor scooters don’t work well on an incline; Nayeon learned that when she attempted riding up the hill to school and ended up just falling on her ass.)_

 

_On a good day, Nayeon’s hair isn’t a complete mess when she arrives to school but good days are basically a myth to her. Most times, she’ll arrive with her hair flying in different directions and her red hair clips lost somewhere in that mess. On especially cold days, it’s worse. She’s usually later than usual—her bed beckons her to tap on snooze when her phone goes off even when she knows fully well she doesn’t have the time to. (Nayeon usually has to forfeit the time attempting to tame her hair for extra sleep.) The cold mixed with her internal body warmth increasing due to running up the hill with her heavy motor-scooter, towards the doors of her heated school, and rushing to her locker in order to get her books for her next class just ends up fogging up her glasses to the max._

 

_She pretends not to hear the snickers that follow her._

 

_Once arriving at her locker, Momo Hirai, Nayeon’s only friend usually awaits her._

 

_(When it’s cold and her glasses are fogged, Nayeon knows it’s Momo because of the blur of black from her hair and the abrupt shine of white that sits on top of her head. Momo loves her white headbands. She says it enhances her face shape. Nayeon doesn’t agree but she digresses. Without preamble, Momo’s hand will reach for her glasses to pull them off and wipe them with her cotton polo shirt since untucking and tucking Nayeon’s too-long-dress-shirt is a lengthy process, and plus, her buttoned shirt does bupkis at cleaning her glasses._

 

_(Momo detests button ups. She says there are too many buttons and too little time to fasten them. She claims she’s not good at doing things fast but Nayeon has seen her dancing. Momo transcends and fascinates anyone watching—it’s a shame that only Nayeon cares to look.))_

 

On the particular day Sana Minatozaki transfers, it’s frigid enough to get one’s tongue stuck on a light pole if they so choose to do so. Nayeon only knows this because Momo wanted to try it on a day as cold as this one.

 

_(Nayeon abhorred Momo’s decision to lick the light pole and insisted that she should change her mind but Momo can really be stubborn. Momo spent four minutes panicking about being unable to unstick her tongue—a good three minutes of it was whining about how she would never be able to have jokbal again. Nayeon had to sacrifice some of her hot chocolate sitting in her thermos to unstick Momo. The days where Momo wears her polo shirt with faint coco stains to school are usually happy days for Nayeon.)_

 

So this is how the scene starts, Nayeon is ~~late~~ shivering and she thinks no matter how much Momo wipes at her glasses, they’ll just fog up again. Despite that, Momo reaches for them and wipes anyways.

 

_“Momo, you can wipe all you want but they’re just gonna fog up again.”_

 

 _“I’m really good at wiping them. They won’t fog up.”_ (They fog up again. Momo wipes again.) _“Anyway, did you hear that there’s a transfer coming? She’s really pretty. And apparently Japanese.”_

 

_“If she’s Japanese maybe you can make a friend out of her. Bond over food and that one anime you like. What was it? Sailor Moon?”_

 

_Nayeon sees Momo’s blurred lips at a slight upturn at the thought before they fade into a frown._

 

_“I don’t think so, Nayeonie. I saw her with Jihyo and Mina.”_

 

Jihyo and Mina. They were as close to rom-com “football jock friends” as Nayeon could get. Except they were prettier. And smelled of flowers with an added odd scent of financial comfortability. Honestly, Jihyo and Mina proved to be infinitely better in general. Really, there are no similarities other than the fact that the “football jock friends” and the two were popular and universally seen as attractive. And not to mention, intimidating and uninterested in anything that wasn’t a part of their world.

 

Nayeon and Momo were not a part of their world, heck, their universe. There’s “out-of-their-league” and then there’s “completely-nonexistent.” If there happened to be a greater separation beyond that, that was what Momo and Nayeon were to Jihyo and Mina.

 

And this is a fair reminder that Nayeon’s life is not a rom-com. Whatever classes Nayeon shared with the two, it definitely wasn’t theater and teachers these days just allow students to pair up on their own. It’s always _Jihyo &Mina _ and _Nayeon &Momo _. Two separate entities that just ended up sharing the same universe.

 

_Across the hall, Nayeon hears Jihyo and Mina before she sees them. But she also hears something new. A light, yet high airy giggle. Nayeon has never heard an angel sing but she thinks this sound might be in one of their songs._

 

Truthfully, Nayeon wishes she could say she saw how beautiful Sana was at her first glance but really, she was just a blob of blue and black.

 

Momo was _still_ wiping at her glasses.

 

_A triumphant cheer from Momo breaks Nayeon’s heaven-induced haze and a pair of black-rimmed glasses are shoved onto her face. One of the temples sits outside her ear and the other tangles in her hair. Her glasses are no longer fogged up and Sana Minatozaki looks a little disoriented but when Nayeon hurriedly adjusts her frames, it is obvious to see that Sana looks bright and beautiful as clear as day (and in correct orientation). The freezing air appeared to be less frigid and it seemed as if the sun decided to leave and allowed Sana to take its place._

 

Perhaps it is a bit tragic that a simple laugh roped Nayeon into a hopeless crush. As Nayeon peers timidly behind her locker, Sana’s disposition is a ray of light in the bleak school halls as she laughs along with Jihyo and Mina. For a flash of a moment where Nayeon’s life turns into a rom-com and Sana glances her way, it is as if Nayeon’s vision tunnels solely on the bright smile adorning Sana’s face and the kind eyes that look her way.

 

But as quickly as she glances over, she glances away.

 

A quick moment turns into a reminder for Nayeon that her love life is not a rom-com. Not only was Sana friends with people outside of her trajectory, Nayeon also fiercely believed in “straight until proven gay” and with Sana’s unattainability, there would be no way for proof to be given. As the cookie crumbles, Nayeon did what she swore she would never do.

 

She fell for a straight girl.

 

_Damn it._

 

~.~.~

 

If Momo was her only friend, life liked to prove her wrong. Apparently Murphy and his damn law were her friends too.

 

Nayeon concludes that her life must be some low-budget queer indie film that Sundance rejected at the glance of the first page. Poorly written by the straight male, messy, non-linear, and recorded with the technology of an iPhone 4, Nayeon couldn’t even catch a break.

 

~~There isn’t even some decency to record with _at least_ an iPhone 6. ~~

 

Nayeon would say that the iPhone 4 was the most luxurious thing she could have in that array of items and that Momo was her iPhone 4, but, Nayeon deems Momo to be far better than any iPhone that could be made.

 

Unless that iPhone had Sana Minatozaki’s number then, maybe, Momo might have some competition.

 

However, since Murphy’s Law was her friend, an iPhone with Sana Minatozaki’s number in it would not be hers.

 

Like all millennials, Nayeon liked to whine more than she should and complained when her life was far better than others. Nonetheless, as a teenager growing up in a society that highly prioritizes beauty, she couldn’t help but to nitpick at her appearance.

 

Her hair was too curly and untamable (Momo loves how they bounce whenever Nayeon makes any movement possible), her freckles were more obvious than she liked (Momo loves them and calls them stars but Nayeon digresses), and her goddamn glasses fogged up more than she would like (for some reason Momo finds great pleasure at wiping them for her).

 

Nayeon figures that with a friend like Momo, karma was bound to tie her to unfortunate luck.

 

~~Nayeon wouldn’t trade her for the world.~~

 

But sometimes, she wished that at least _some_ luck would be on her side. Momo says that whatever luck Nayeon had was put towards the very composition that made Nayeon up.

 

Nayeon doesn’t understand how Momo sees it as luck.

 

When Momo goes to Japan with her family for winter break, Nayeon truly thinks Momo and Murphy’s Law are her friends. Nayeon isn’t necessarily losing Momo, but she isn’t seeing her for three weeks and Momo is quite awful at texting back. It’s almost like Momo disappears, if it weren’t for the lingering emptiness and slight depression that constantly reminds Nayeon about Momo’s lack of presence. At the vacation of Momo’s leaving, luck takes her place. Nayeon’s aunt that flew in for Christmas was a skilled cosmetologist and agreed to settle Nayeon’s insecurities without cost.

 

On the rare night where Nayeon reaches Momo over Kakaotalk, it’s one in the morning and Nayeon counts her blessing that Korea and Japan share the same time. If it were Momo and Nayeon were contacting her, it could be one in the morning, two, four, or five and Momo wouldn’t have any qualms on replying.

 

 **_Nayeon_ ** **:** _my aunt says she doesn’t mind doing it for me and i’m really happy that she’s not charging me. i don’t have the money to just...pay for a perm but she’s fine with just. .. ...doing it for me and she said that she would teach me how to put makeup on to cover my freckles and recommended me this one brand of eye contacts for my glasses. Think it started with an “a” or something….._

 

 ** _Nayeon_** **:** _and to top it off, my mom finally has time to hem my skirt and my aunt offered to buy me dress shirts that actually fit me!! a concept!!_

 

 **_Momo_ ** **:** _you know i think you look pretty no matter what; but do whatever makes you happy, nayeonie. you deserve it :)_

 

Nayeon would never admit it but having Momo’s acceptance meant everything to her. Without even asking, Momo reassured her in the matter of two sentences.

 

(Momo is far too kind for her own good.)

 

Momo comes back two days before winter break ends and insists on seeing Nayeon despite the fact that school resumes in two days and that it was nine at night.

 

 **_Nayeon_ ** **:** _momo, you don’t need to come over. i’ll be seeing you soon anyway!!_

 

 **_Momo_ ** **:** _nope! i need to see how you look!! I bet you look so pretty that everyone at school is just gonna :o when they see you!!_

 

~.~.~

 

Momo is often wrong, but this time, she is nothing but right.

 

No longer is Nayeon an unlicensed driver, or curly headed and visibly freckled, nor fogged up from her glasses. With hair much straighter than her sexuality and contacts in, it is as if the world turned on its axis for her. Even more than that, she seems to glide as she walks.

 

(Minus the minor incident of her key lanyard getting stuck in her car door which yanked her back to it as she turned to leave towards the school entrance.)

 

What is more important, however, are the stunned looks Jihyo, Mina, and most especially Sana send her way. Perhaps Nayeon found a place within their universe. Jihyo, with her ever present unimpressed cool look slackens her jaw just the tidbit while Mina looks wide-eyed and shocked. Sana seems frozen in her position, with her eyes shell-shocked and unblinking.

 

(Nayeon is familiar with that look. It’s the look she knows she ~~gives~~ gave Sana.)

 

_After Nayeon playfully struts around in her room the night Momo sees her, Momo tells Nayeon that she adopted the “walk of confidence” that female leads in rom-coms have after getting a makeover. Nayeon especially notices how Momo slouches with her shoulder slumped and posture hunched, afraid to confront the world when Momo looks up at her from her bed._

 

_Nayeon hopes that one day she will see Momo do the same, rise up with her shoulders squared and unthreatened by the world. Momo says that confidence is found from within and not from outside compliments. Momo says she’s working on herself and Nayeon wonders if Momo has ever really seen herself dance. Her confidence reaches astronomical values. Nayeon wishes Momo would care to look at her the way she did._

 

_(Momo is far too critical of herself for her own good.)_

 

~~_If only Nayeon knew Momo thought the exact same of her._ ~~

 

~.~.~

 

 _Jihyo &Mina&Sana _ begins to change and it starts like this.

 

Nayeon would meet up with Momo at school (Momo’s mom insisted to drive her there if Nayeon were to drive her back home), they would gather what books they needed for their first two periods, and converse like they usually would while they waited for the first bell to ring.

 

Nayeon did end up having a place in Jihyo and Mina’s world after all. As the pair would walk by with Sana usually in the middle of them, the two would call Nayeon’s name and wave. The first time this happened, Nayeon wondered if her contacts had shifted by some odd chance and instead of waving back, Nayeon dumbly nodded back.

 

(She is still a bumbling mess after all.)

 

This is when Nayeon’s life starts morphing into some odd queer coming of age rom-com.

 

Nayeon and Momo ~~are forced~~ decide to join theater together through the hands of two of their classmates, Tzuyu and Jeongyeon. Apparently the school’s production of _Romeo and Juliet_ needed more extras, and plus, it wouldn’t hurt to have Momo help with choreographing and organizing the dance. Nayeon prides herself on being Momo’s hypewoman and praises her as _the_ dance master. Momo just blushes and shakes her hands and head in denial. Tzuyu and Jeongyeon trust Nayeon enough to give Momo the leading position in teaching the choreography. (If there was one person Nayeon knew better than herself, it was Momo.)

 

Momo later whines to Nayeon on the phone.

 

 **_Momo_ ** **:** _i’m so nervous. i’ve never had such a big responsibility before!! how am i supposed to lead a Whole Group of people in a dance I!!! don’t even know!?!? ?! ?!?_

 

 **_Nayeon_ ** **:** _moguri, i believe in you. if there’s one thing you can do in one night, it’s learning, memorizing, and mastering a dance number. i’ve seen you memorize and master call me baby in the span of three hours and that dance is way harder than the one in the movie. believe in yourself, momo!! fighting!!_

 

When the two head towards the theater room the next day, Momo’s eyes ignite a spark that only comes alive in front of the mirror when she dances.

 

Through her eyes, Nayeon knows that Momo can dance the ball scene half-asleep and with her eyes shut. When Momo stands front and center of the stage facing the back of it and gathers the students together and introduces herself as the choreographer, the door to the theater room slides open and welcomes in three unfamiliar faces. Momo looks to Nayeon in faint curiosity as to who came in as all participants on the role sheet were present. The way Nayeon’s jaw unhinges propels Momo to look behind her.

 

Lo and behold: Jihyo, Mina, and Sana. Nayeon has to blink twice to ensure herself that she is not hallucinating. Swiping a quick alarmed look at Momo, Momo is already looking back to her with the same shock in her eyes. No doubt the rest of the room looks identical to the two—no one expects to see popular girls anywhere near the premise of a theater. Jihyo is the first to speak.

 

“Jeongyeon told us she needed more extras and to meet her here.”

 

Nayeon is not sure which rom-com this is exactly, but this feels like a twisted _High School Musical_ , just, without all the basketball and pressure to choose between singing with their lover and playing ball. And sure, Nayeon and Sana may not be the leads of this play—Jeongyeon and Tzuyu has got that covered—but this feels eerily like déjà vu.

 

Jeongyeon calls the trio over, obviously overjoyed at the thought of having more hands on deck.

 

“You came in good time. We’re about to learn the dance in one of the scenes.”

 

Jeongyeon gestures towards Momo’s position on stage.

 

“Momo’s a genius and perfected the dance in one night.”

 

A _whoop_ comes from the center right beside Nayeon and it’s Dahyun Kim. Another _whoop_ echoes behind her and Nayeon has to shift her position to see Chaeyoung Son peering over Dahyun’s shoulders with her chin rested on her shoulder.

 

Nayeon doesn’t know these two, presumably a junior and sophomore, but she already likes them. Whoever gasses Momo up is an automatic friend prospect to her. Nayeon looks at Momo in time to see her lips quirk up in pride.

 

Nayeon feels it—feels Momo’s confidence being built up by each person willing to trust her.

 

~

 

While instruction is in full swing and the full dance has been taught and students have been grouped off in level of ability, Nayeon finds herself somewhere at the lower-caliber level. A perm, makeup, and contacts won’t change the fact that Nayeon is an uncoordinated mess. It comforts her to see Dahyun and Chaeyoung in the same group as her.

 

Surprisingly, Jihyo, Mina, and Sana find themselves in the most capable group of practicing the dance without supervision. (Go figure. As if being pretty and popular weren’t enough. They also had to be blessed with coordination).

 

Nayeon loves Momo. But especially in this moment, Nayeon loves her as Momo pairs off the more coordinated with the less coordinated so to help more people in less time. Momo sends Nayeon to Sana, Dahyun to Mina, and Chaeyoung to Jihyo.

 

First interactions in rom-coms are either matches made in heaven or complete disasters.

 

Murphy’s Law likes to remind Nayeon that he considers himself a friend to her and Nayeon’s first initial interaction with Sana works a lot like a circle trying to fit in a square hole.

 

They are both awkward beyond compare, Nayeon’s hands are clammy and sweaty and her heartbeat feels so loud that she can feel her pulse pounding against the temple of her head. The only one talking is Sana and that is just to count out the beats. If this is what love was like, Nayeon feels her heart might give out.

 

Nayeon stumbles through one of the formations and accidentally steps on Sana’s toes. She feels like she wants to shrivel from the embarrassment but Sana beams at her and reassures Nayeon that her toes are, in fact, in tact.

 

(Nayeon feels that anytime Sana smiles, a flower blooms somewhere around the world, as if it was just a natural cause and effect of the world.)

 

Usually in rom-coms, the female lead is much shorter than the male lead but Sana happens to be the same height as Nayeon so when Nayeon looks down to hide her rosy cheeks, Sana is already lowering her head to look up at Nayeon with the most attentive eyes in the world. Nayeon feels as if Sana were holding her by the cheeks and assuring her just by a simple gaze.

 

 _“So this is why the whole school is in the palm of her hands. Her power,”_ Nayeon thinks off absentmindedly.

 

Sana has to call Nayeon’s name twice to bring her back. If it were possible, Nayeon’s cheeks fall into a deeper pink. She can feel her ears burning in embarrassment. Nayeon stutters through an apology and re-focuses her attention to the choreography. The giggle that rings out of Sana’s lips is warm-hearted and fond.

 

~.~.~

 

It would take a complete idiot to not see Nayeon’s crush on Sana. Heck, Sana had a feeling Nayeon liked her since before winter break, if the constant gazing on Nayeon’s part was any indication.

 

(The only reason Sana knows how often Nayeon looks at her is because Sana is already looking back.)

 

It would be a lie if Sana said she minded it and that she didn’t play with the thought of Nayeon in that way. It would also be lie to say that Sana is confident in her sexuality no matter how affectionate she is with girls. She is, as Jihyo calls her, “a panicked confident gay...who just also happens to be sitting in the closet.”

 

Sana didn’t understand at first but she considered how easy-going and generous she was with giving affection to other girls but how shocked and flustered she would get when affection was given back. Panicked would be one word to describe the mental circus her mind runs through. Sana recalls the moment she felt such panic seep into her subconscious.

 

 _It was after winter break and school had resumed. Sana, Jihyo, and Mina were conversing and waiting for the first bell to ring to indicate the start of class. The usually buzzed hall fell into a low murmur as a figure glided through it. As the figure looked her way, Sana immediately recognized the bunny teeth that peeked through her smile. She felt her body freeze at the sudden change of appearance. She was Im Nayeon, the girl in her AP Literature class that sat with the short haired girl who always wore a white headband. Except, this Nayeon had long straight hair, a uniform that actually fit her, no longer donned fogged up glasses, and hid her freckles (Sana thought that was a shame. Her freckles were cute and looked like constellations to her.) Certainly Nayeon was cute before this drastic change, but_ _this_ _Nayeon could make anyone fall to their knees for her._

 _  
_ _Sure, Sana had wanted to go up to talk to Nayeon before but Nayeon was always with Momo and Sana was always with Jihyo and Mina. It is normal for Sana to come on to any of her friends, especially if they are girls. But if the girl is Nayeon, a girl who Sana_ ~~_definitely_ ~~ _maybe has a crush on, she could feel her nerves twisting in her stomach at the thought of talking to her. She didn’t even know if Nayeon was into girls like that. The risk, Sana thought, was too great._

 

 _But call it societal conditioning or media conditioning, at the thought of people advancing towards Nayeon, Sana felt a twinge of uncomfortability, and unrightfully so. Nayeon was not hers nor was she a prize to be won, but Sana couldn’t help but to think how_ _nice_ _it would be to be hers and interchangeably._

 

_She wanted even more so to confess to Nayeon. If only she could gather the guts to._

 

~~_Sana knows she has to accept herself. She buries the thought._ ~~

 

“And hence, Mina, this is why our Satang here is a panicked gay. Im Nayeon is the same girl she was three months ago and just because she changed her appearance doesn’t mean she has changed everything about herself. Nayeon isn’t the type to humiliate and embarrass. Her eyes are too kind.”

 

Of course, Jihyo somehow knew (almost) everything. She carries herself with nonchalance and disinterest but it is incredible how wrong a perception can be. Jihyo has learned to hear all the right things, analyze just enough without breaking privacy, and learned to be a fly on the wall. It’s not that she actively seeks out to hear people’s business. It’s just that people love being loud storytellers.

 

And Nayeon, no matter how little she talked to Jihyo, was the one of the loudest. From how she hides behinds her locker ~~to look at Sana~~ to how she subconsciously takes Momo’s bag from her hands so that Momo could rifle through her bag for her lunch without even asking for help, Jihyo could see a shy girl with a heart big enough to love the world.

 

If Nayeon was loud, Momo was screaming.

 

Even though Momo shrinks herself to be smaller, Jihyo sees an infallible strength within her. Jihyo has seen it anytime Momo fights the fog on Nayeon’s glasses, seen it when Momo got her tongue stuck on a pole and laughed after she became unstuck despite hot chocolate staining her uniform. Momo’s stubbornness to refuse to fail and instead prove others wrong can be her downfall. But it is also her kind heart that moderates the stubbornness into strength rather than letting it manifest into pride and ego.

 

Jihyo sees within Momo’s eyes loyalty and commitment and it is Momo’s strength that listens to Nayeon’s self-deprecation and reassures her. It is Momo’s strength that steels herself to listen to Nayeon when she rambles on about Sana. Jihyo sees love in Momo’s eyes and there is nothing fabricated or illusioned or imagined in it.

 

Jihyo has seen Momo loving Nayeon ever since the first time Nayeon stumbled into her with her fogged up glasses and unkempt hair their sophomore year.

 

Momo is love and Jihyo knows it.

 

Jihyo is waiting for the day Nayeon will know it too.

 

~.~.~

 

The rehearsal session for _Romeo and Juliet_ was nearing its end and while Momo helped the last stragglers with the choreography of the ball scene, Sana had decided to stay back to further help Nayeon with the footwork.

 

_Strike number one._

 

_Sana places a bet with herself. If Nayeon made her smile more times than her fingers could count in the span of time it would take for her to get the hang of the choreography, she would confess._

 

_Sana realizes that one: she is already whipped for Nayeon’s bunny-tooth smile, two: that Nayeon could make her smile just as easily as it was for Sana to count to ten, and three: Nayeon’s coordination is absolute shit. Perhaps she underestimated exactly how light Nayeon could make her feel and overestimated how capable Nayeon was at dancing._

 

_That’s strike number two._

 

Rehearsal ends and Sana and Nayeon are cleaning up abandoned water bottles and poking holes in the cap (with the pen specifically used to make notes on the script) to squirt water at each other like immature fourth graders do.

 

(They are already too comfortable.)

 

_And strike number three? The play by play goes like this:_

 

  1. _Sana tries on Juliet’s wings and Nayeon calls her the cutest person in the world. (Since when was Nayeon such a smooth talker?)_



 

  1. _Sana says Nayeon is wrong. (This is where she winds up too early.)_



 

  1. _Nayeon then asks Sana who in the world could be cuter. (The ball has yet to reach the plate.)_



 

  1. _Sana panics but impulsively says, “You as my girlfriend.” (She swings and the ball is lower than her knees.)_



 

(Sana in Disaster Mode as the “Panicked Gay.” Classic. Outs herself on a ball.

 

Except, the catcher happened to be resident bumbling mess Nayeon and she fumbles the ball from her glove. Hitter, sprint to first base.)

 

“You think I’d be cute as your girlfriend?”

 

Sana is too flustered to reply. Only barely nods.

 

“I think I’d be cute as your girlfriend too. But how about you take me on a date first?”

 

(Honestly, where is this suaveness coming from? Is this really the same Nayeon from today who tripped over herself walking past Sana because she was too busy noticing that she changed her hair part?)

 

Sana smiles and it’s like the sun breaks through the clouds.

 

“I can do a date. How’s Friday night?”

 

(Sana hears the umpire shout, “safe!”)

 

~

 

It isn’t possible for Jihyo to know everything. She wasn’t an oracle or anything of that matter. So when Sana bounces up to Jihyo and Mina the next morning after theater practice, like literally bounces on the balls of her toes to them, and tells them that she confessed to Nayeon after yesterday’s theater practice, Jihyo finds herself at a crossroad. Of course, she’s happy that Sana finally confessed to Nayeon and it isn’t like Nayeon would refuse, she is bound to say yes anyway. But Momo, Momo would bear the pain and move forward like the supportive and loyal friend she is.

 

Momo’s strength would be her downfall as both her strength and her heart would be working to protect who she loved. The love Momo has for Nayeon wouldn’t turn into spite and hate and her heart would just accept the burden that comes with having to see Nayeon be happy with someone else.

 

Nayeon’s rom-com was Momo’s romantic-tragedy. Unrequited love is a lonely road to travel, yet, Momo would do it for Nayeon, to be the friend Nayeon deserved. Momo had enough love in her heart to spare others from knowing how cruel the world is.

 

(She wishes she wouldn’t have to run herself dry for the expense of others. But Momo knows Nayeon would do the same for her.)

 

(Momo is far too kind for her own good.)

 

~.~.~

 

 _Jihyo &Mina&Sana_ slowly turns into _Jihyo &Mina & Sana _while _Nayeon &Momo _turns into _Nayeon &Sana &_ _Momo_ thanks to the extentuous hours spent together for the school play. About a month and a half has passed since Jihyo, Mina, and Sana joined the play, about a month and a half since Sana confessed.

 

(It’s been about a month and a half of Momo looking at Nayeon being someone else’s.)

 

(Nayeon does her best to remind herself that her world revolved around more than just Sana and her.)

 

(Still, Momo can’t help but to feel alone.)

 

Sana is everything Nayeon imagined and more. Perfectly attentive, affectionate, and wholesome, Nayeon thinks that maybe, love is Sana. Nayeon may not love Sana (yet), but she really likes how Sana trickles her fingers down her forearm before she holds her hands, how Sana seems to hold her with her arms completely enveloping her and her head tucking into Nayeon’s neck, how Sana looks at Nayeon like she put the stars up in the sky.

 

She also really likes how Sana seemed to integrate Nayeon into her life—did not neglect to include Momo, knows that Momo is a part of Nayeon and bringing one requires bringing the other. Nayeon hopes that having Sana, Jihyo, and Mina as their friends will help Momo accept herself.

 

(Partaking in _Romeo & Juliet _ gave the two an outcome that Nayeon would never expect. Dahyun, Tzuyu, and Chaeyoung salute at Momo when they pass the halls, saying something about school meals. Jeongyeon easily ropes Momo into choreographing for their next play. When Jeongyeon smiles cheesily at Momo when she proposes the idea, how could she say no? Nayeon notices how Momo shines a bit brighter when she talks about dance, notices how Momo holds her head a bit higher. Nayeon is over the moon that Momo is starting to love herself more. Nayeon believes that there is so much more to love. Nayeon hopes that someone will believe the same as her, will love everything that there is to love about Momo.)

 

Nayeon thinks that what Sana makes her feel is something like love. Nayeon has never flown anywhere—doesn’t have the slightest sense of flight but when Sana kisses her at the playground by her house, Nayeon feels that maybe she could fly, like she’s floating. Or perhaps this might be due to the swaying of the bright yellow wooden horse that Nayeon is too far grown for but Sana insisted that the both play on.

 

When Sana kisses her again that night when Nayeon drops her off at her door, Nayeon knows that it’s not the horse.

 

_Winter faded into spring and Nayeon no longer needed to bring a second blazer to school._

 

_(Sana always forgot hers and when she got cold, Nayeon would offer her hers or Sana would just curl herself close and tight to Nayeon and hold her. And as nice as it is to have an excuse to cling onto Nayeon, it is not as effective as Sana insists it to be—Sana still falls into a slight cold. From then on, Nayeon comes into school with a second blazer in her hand and helps Sana shrug it on when she shivers in her arms. Sana still curls into her and holds her tight.)_

 

_During lunch while the two (and Momo) walk to the table where Jihyo and Mina sits, Sana asks Nayeon, “The clouds are nice today. Would you like to go to the park today after school?”_

 

_(When they arrive at the table, like always, Nayeon takes Momo’s backpack to give Momo free hands to find her lunch. She also holds Sana’s bag while she does the same. Unknowingly, this is part of how Nayeon &Momo turns into Nayeon&Sana & Momo.) _

 

_~_

 

_Trust Sana to notice the beauty in little things. She looks well enough to see everything that is right when everything is wrong. She finds happiness in the smallest of circumstances and hope when times are bleakest._

 

 _And so, that’s how Nayeon found herself straddling a wooden horse that is clearly meant for someone two feet shorter than her. (She thinks Chaeyoung might be more suited for this.) Nayeon’s knees reach to her shoulders as she_ ~~_struggles to keep her balance_ ~~ _gently sways on the horse. Beside her, Sana’s laugh somehow twinkles loudly as she rocks freely on her’s—that girl has no hesitancy and just throws her cares to the wind._

 

_Looking at Sana as her head tips back (she laughs with her whole body), the sun casts a light on her that seems to make her glow. But perhaps, that could be how Nayeon’s lovestruck eyes see her. Nayeon thinks maybe the steady, comfortable, and echoing beating in her chest could lead to love._

 

_Blinking herself out of her haze, Nayeon gently pushes on Sana’s shoulders to tip her over. Sana shrieks loudly enough to garner the attention of the kids on the swing across the play structure as she tips to her far left. Nayeon can’t help but to laugh at the pink tint that spreads across her cheeks when Sana gains her balance back. She playfully pushes away on Nayeon’s arms to retaliate. Nayeon is quick enough to grab at Sana’s hand to prevent her from tipping off. Except, the force of Nayeon pulling Sana towards her and pushing herself closer to Sana is strong enough to bring their heads together to a slight collison._

 

_Nayeon clutches the temple of her head and groans in pain while Sana whines and giggles at the light ache her own head feels. Sana clambers off of her horse as she pulls Nayeon’s hand off of her head to massage it while she offers innumerable apologies. She feels a low bump as she does so. Sana can’t help but to feel guilty so she rests her hands on Nayeon’s cheek and kisses the inflicted area._

 

_If Nayeon’s heartbeat was steady before, it surely wasn’t now. With Sana being so close, looking at Nayeon with all the care and affection in the world, and holding her face as if she were porcelain, she could feel her heart thrashing in her chest. Nayeon notices Sana’s eyes flicker down to her lips. Nayeon can’t help but to follow. When Sana kisses her, soft and comforting, she feels light, as if she could just fly away._

 

_Nayeon thinks that if love included Sana kissing her, she would want it always._

 

Perhaps her love life is turning into her own special rom-com. Sana might not be a football jock (she is far too clumsy to be any jock of sorts) and nor is Nayeon the outcast girl (she had Sana—and in consequence Jihyo and Mina), but she preferred this over anything else.

 

(Nayeon forgets that she never was an outcast. She forgets that she always had Momo and Momo had her.)

 

(Momo doesn’t know if she has Nayeon anymore.)

 

~.~.~

 

 _Nayeon &Sana _ sails smoothly. _Nayeon &Momo _ ? To Momo it feels like just... _Momo_.

 

Momo reassures herself often that Nayeon doesn’t mean to cast her to the side. Love does consume all—Momo would know as hers manifested silently. She was fine at first, with Nayeon spending more time with Sana and less with her. In fact, she was fine, according to Jihyo, for a “considerable” amount of time. (As _Nayeon &Momo _slowly turned into _Nayeon &Sana &_ _Momo_ , Jihyo and Mina opened their arms to Momo. One can only look at a girl helplessly stuck in unrequited love for so long. No matter how detached the two may seem, seeing Momo’s disposition fade to sadness sent pangs to their hearts. The moment Jihyo confronts her, Momo just shuffles her feet and tells her that she was happy for Nayeon, no matter how much she loved her.)

 

It is five months into _Nayeon &Sana &_ _Momo_ when Momo breaks.

 

(To Momo, it feels like _Nayeon &Sana _ and Momo is left to just watch the two exist in a separate universe.)

 

When Momo breaks, it’s like the world is falling apart.

 

Momo doesn’t break. She may look close to breaking but Momo has never even cracked.

 

Momo is tough to break but Nayeon shatters her defenses as easily as she breathes. People leave, Momo knows that. She just didn’t think Nayeon would leave so suddenly and quickly.

 

And it’s not like Nayeon left. Nayeon still retrieves her materials from her locker next to her, still talks to Momo about her day, but it’s not the same. Momo can’t remember the last time Nayeon accompanied her to the dance room to watch her practice some random choreography—it has been so long since she has heard Nayeon shouting praises for her, misses how Nayeon would shout louder to override the music playing on the speaker, misses how confident Nayeon made her feel and how it felt to be seen by her.

 

(Momo wished Nayeon cared enough to look.)

 

_It’s the first Thursday of the month. And that meant Sana would be busy with one of of her club’s obligations. That meant Nayeon would be free after school. Momo clutches at her opportunity to be with Nayeon without Sana distracting Nayeon in .2 seconds and asks if she would go with her to the locker room. (AKA, “would you like to come with me to the dance room and see what I’ve been working on?”) Nayeon says yes and smiles that lazy smile she does when she is content and Momo’s heart warms at the sight._

 

_When Momo plugs her phone in and starts warming up to one of her playlists, she notices how Nayeon periodically checks on her phone. Momo hopes Sana won’t take Nayeon’s attention away._

 

 _When Momo calls Nayeon’s name, Nayeon’s eyes focus on her, she tucks her phone under her thighs, and smiles._  
  
_Having Nayeon’s sole attention on her in this room reminds Momo of when Nayeon used to look at her from behind her black rimmed glasses and would shake her unruly curls as she cheered for her while Momo danced._  
  
“So Tzuyu asked me if I would be in a play with her. “La La Land.” She wants me to audition for Emma Stone’s role. When I told her no and said that I would mess the play up, she insisted that if she were to ask the best person to fill that role, she was already asking the best.”

 

_Nayeon sees how shy Momo gets when she recalls Tzuyu’s compliment. Nayeon wishes that Momo would be more proud._

 

_“Moguri, Tzuyu is as intellectually smart as you are capable of dancing. And Tzuyu’s a damn genius. I hope you understand just how incredible you are at dancing; of course she would ask you to be the lead.”_

 

_Momo blushes the way she always does when Nayeon compliments her and smiles._

 

_Momo nods to herself, chants “be confident” in her head, and runs the phrase back and forth until she feels she is able to broaden her shoulders._

 

_Nayeon has seen how Momo talks to herself before she dances. She knows that it is Momo’s first stage of wearing down her hesitancy and hopes that one day Momo will live her life like this, hopes that Momo will feel confident in herself one day._

 

_Momo moves one of the benches at the side of the room to the center back a little further to the front of where Nayeon sits and then taps play on her phone. A jazzy song starts to fill the room. Nayeon watches how Momo strategically replaces the heels on her feet with tap shoes. She sees how Momo twirls and taps precisely to the beat. Nayeon thinks Momo looks beautiful, and in this element, Momo shines._

 

_Nayeon watches until she feels a buzz underneath her thighs. Reaching for her phone, she sees Sana’s name on the screen; she can’t help but to reply. Again and again._

 

_The absent sound of tapping would be noticeable if Nayeon were looking. But, of course, she wasn’t._

 

_From where Momo stands, she sees “Sana” on Nayeon’s screen. Maybe it’s irrational of her to lose her temper so quickly, but really, could Sana take Nayeon’s attention away from her even though she was in a completely different room?_

 

_Is it irrational how offended Momo feels? How angered and disappointed she is?_

 

_How insignificant she feels?_

 

_If there was one thing Momo could charm anyone with, it was with dance and Nayeon was charmed everytime Momo danced for her._

 

_And now? How could Momo possibly even keep Nayeon in her life if what she was best at wasn’t enough?_

 

_Fucking pathetic. Even at her best she can’t be seen._

 

~~And all Momo wanted was to be seen by Nayeon.~~

 

_Momo’s breathing isn’t too heavy from the dance but the anger that brews inside her chest ripples and her breaths begin to labor._

 

_“Are you kidding me?”_

 

_Her inquisition is pointed, sharp, and low. Nayeon has never heard her sound so mad. Nayeon looks up in guilt and shock._

 

_(At least she has the decency to be embarrassed.)_

 

_Nayeon tries to stutter out an apology._

 

_“I can’t even keep your attention for more than a minute. Why did you even come with me if you weren’t going to be interested in what I had to show you? I thought you could freaking forget about Sana for three minutes and just focus on me. But clearly I’m asking too much from you. Fuck it. If you don’t want to see the dance, leave. I’m clearly wasting your time.”_

 

_Momo’s hands shake as she turns away from Nayeon and walks towards the mirror in front of the room. She feels tears edge behind her eyelids. She refuses to cry in front of Nayeon. Momo feels that Nayeon isn’t worthy enough to see her cry—allowing Nayeon to see her break was enough._

 

_Momo is resilient. Stubborn to the core and unbudging. Momo only voices what truly bothers her when she cannot bear the weight anymore. Nayeon (finally) realizes that Momo wanted to do more than just show her a dance. Momo wanted her validation, her support, her friendship. And Nayeon failed. She failed to be the friend Momo deserved, the friend that Nayeon promised to always be._

 

_Nayeon scolds herself, “God, what kind of messed up human being forgets about the person who was their rock for the past two years?”_

 

_(Nayeon then wonders for how long has she made Momo feel so small. Nayeon hates herself for becoming her own enemy. Present Nayeon sees Past Nayeon, curls and all, shaking her head at her and feels her flicking her in the forehead. Nayeon knows she deserves more than that, knows that she should grovel at her knees to show Momo how sorry her heart felt.)_

 

_(Then Nayeon remembers that this isn’t about her. This is about Momo and her hurt that was inflicted by someone she trusted.)_

 

_Momo refuses to raise her head and her shoulders revert back to their usual hunched position. She looks at the mirror to see if Nayeon has left. She hasn’t. Instead, Nayeon stands a foot away from her. Momo sees how sorry her eyes are. When she looks harder, she sees Nayeon’s eyes glazed with tears. A drop rolls and Nayeon wipes it quickly from her cheeks._

 

_Nayeon knows she has no right to cry—she can’t believe that her body does not listen to her._

 

_“I’m sorry, Momo. I’m sorry I haven’t been the right friend to you. I’m sorry for abandoning you and leaving you to dry. I’m sorry I’ve been the person that has been hurting you. I’m sorry that I couldn’t see how horribly I was treating you—how I have been hurting you. I haven’t been at my best and loving you at my best. I see it now. I know that I don’t deserve your forgiveness, nor your grace, but if you’ll allow me, I swear to you, Momo, that I will be better to you. From this second and onwards. I promise to be the best person I can be for you because you deserve me at my best.”_

 

_Momo knows Nayeon better than anything—she can read her as if she were the alphabet. She sees how guilty and remorseful Nayeon is. Momo tries not to forgive Nayeon so easily but when Nayeon gently tugs at the end of her shirt and beggingly whispers, “please,” Momo feels her heart give._

 

_Nayeon has always been her weakness. Momo hopes that this moment of weakness does not backfire on her. She knows she cannot handle the feeling of abandonment by the same person twice._

 

_When Momo slowly turns around and opens her arms, Nayeon falls into them and clutches tightly onto her._

 

_It feels as if Nayeon missed her the way Momo missed her. Momo shakes the thought away. If Nayeon missed her, she wouldn’t have left in the first place._

 

_Nayeon pulls away, cups Momo’s cheeks and kisses her forehead. She takes Momo’s hand and leads her to the bench at the back of the room and sits her down. Nayeon slips her phone into her backpack, grabs Momo’s and presses play. She settles down in the back, places her chin in her hands, and looks._

 

_She looks at Momo the way Momo has been needing her to._

 

~.~.~

 

It is the third Thursday of the month and Nayeon asks Momo if she can tag along with her to the dance room. (Nayeon knows that Momo frequents there to practice for the play every Tuesday through Thursday.) Momo, of course, says yes. Today, Tzuyu and Momo were supposed to meet up to practice “A Lovely Night” together. But, from volleyball practice to theater to Model United Nations, Tzuyu was a busy girl. The two could never coordinate their schedules to meet up and practice the choreography together but Tzuyu’s usual volleyball practice got cancelled due to the coach getting caught up in a family matter.

 

After Momo changes and warms up, her phone pings.

 

 **_Chewy_ ** **_:_ ** _Hi Momo!! I’m sorry but I’m going to be late to dance practice. Chaengie needs help with the stage design and was adamant that I help her for a bit. I promise I’ll be there in less than an hour!!_

 

 **_Momo:_ ** _don’t worry about it, tzuyu. i can just practice some more!!_

 

As Momo sets up for “A Lovely Night,” Nayeon notices Tzuyu’s absence.

 

“Where’s Tzuyu? I thought you two were supposed to do this together?”

 

“We are but Chaeng pulled her back because she needed help with stage design. She said she’ll be here in less than an hour.”

 

Nayeon can’t help but to remember Sana’s spiel on how genius she found _La La Land_. Apparently, she liked the movie so much that she decided to learn the dances from it.

 

(Nayeon remembers how Sana tried to rope Nayeon into dancing “A Lovely Night” with her after their fourth date. It seems Sana forgot how uncoordinated she was. Nayeon trips thirty seconds into their reenactment.)

 

“This may sound weird, but do you mind if Sana comes by? She somehow knows both sides of this dance and I think having her as your temporary partner could help you get an idea of what it’s like to dance this with someone.”

 

It may have sounded weird, but this is Momo. This is the same girl who got her tongue stuck on a light pole because she thought it would be fun to try. So, Momo enthusiastically asks Nayeon if Sana would really come to help her.

 

(Maybe it’s less weird for Momo since Sana started talking to her more. It started when Sana saw the _Sailor Moon_ sticker in Momo’s locker and excitedly asked her if she has seen the whole series. (Which, by the way, she has.) With her arm around Nayeon’s shoulders and her other looped with Momo’s, the two rattled on about their favorite Sailor Soldier and episodes.

 

Nayeon’s heart feels light to see them smiling together.)

 

When Nayeon asks Sana if she would come to the dance room to practice “A Lovely Night” with Momo, she replies back with an all capped “YES” followed by several star emojis and the salsa dancing lady in red emoji. Sana doesn’t ask questions on the semantics of the situation, doesn’t even question why Momo needs her to practice for a play she isn’t even in.

 

Sana would be one to follow through with her friend’s requests with no question asked. She places incredible trust in people so easily. (Sana just says that her friends don’t have a single bone in their body to manipulate her so it’s easy for her to trust them.) Nayeon quickly learns how reliable Sana is. Whether it be giving back Nayeon’s second blazer to her so that she could _bring_ a second blazer the next day to reminding Nayeon to wash her contacts, Sana gives her all to the people she trusts.

 

(It comforts Nayeon to know that Momo falls under that. She wouldn’t know what to do if her best friend and her girlfriend didn’t get along—she panics at the thought of it.)

 

Nayeon and Momo hear Sana before they see her. Once the door opens, the sound of Sana’s embarrassed giggle floats into the room.

 

(Sana tried pulling on a push door and ended up staggering back and bumping into one of the freshmen she TA’s for. The freshman looks sorry and panicked for being in her way and Sana is too embarrassed to ease their worry. Sana often forgets that she is one of the popular girls _everyone_ knows about.)

 

When Sana walks into the room, she places a sound kiss on Nayeon’s cheek and hugs Momo.

 

It surprises Momo how affectionate Sana is. If Nayeon weren’t present and she couldn’t cuddle her, she would have her arm slung around someone else. And since Momo and Sana get to school earlier than Nayeon, Sana has made herself comfortable enough around Momo to sling her arms around her shoulders.

 

(This forces Momo to broaden her shoulders in order to support Sana’s weight. Momo finally realizes how amazing this posture feels—her back isn’t as strained and tense. With AP testing around the corner, which meant hours hunched over some textbook or writing essays, she needed all the relief possible. Momo starts walking with her shoulders squared.

 

Nayeon naturally notices how much taller Momo stands. Nayeon feels her heart’s elation for Momo.)

 

“Momoring!!”

 

Nayeon thinks, “when did Sana give her a nickname?” She figures it might’ve been during one of their lengthy conversations about Japan. Nayeon knows Sana misses her old home. Nayeon is glad to know that Momo can be a piece of it for her.

 

Sana slides her backpack off her shoulders and asks Momo if she is certainly okay with practicing with her. Momo beams and nods at her. Sana squeaks one of her airy excited laughs and physically displays her happiness in little jumps towards Momo. When Momo presses play and the song twinkles from the speaker, it is as if Sana adopts Ryan Gosling’s role in the matter of seconds.

 

Nayeon knows that Sana and Momo are incredible dancers. Seeing her knowledge in front of her, their gliding and moving together takes her breath away. They dance as if they shared a history, as if they really were coy lovers dancing together. If she could watch the pair dance forever, Nayeon thinks she would live a fulfilling life.

 

After the dance ends, Sana launches herself at Momo, giggling into her ear. Sana sings praises towards Momo and claps. Nayeon can only do the same from the back.

 

(Nayeon thinks that if dancing were an art, Momo was a living breathing masterpiece.)

 

(Nayeon is not the only one to think that.)

 

Tzuyu comes rushing in soon after, tap shoes and costumes in her hand. Momo gasps excitedly at the bright yellow dress hanging off of the hanger. While Tzuyu and Momo practice some other numbers together dressed as Sebastian and Mia, Nayeon and Sana sit at the back of the room with stars in their eyes.

 

Something inside Nayeon makes her think change is coming. Nayeon buries the thought.

 

~

 

Nayeon forgets how persistent nagging thoughts can be.

 

She can’t seem to shake the image of Momo dancing in that bright yellow dress away. Momo has always adopted a different persona when she danced. She was more confident and more comfortable with herself. She shone. Nayeon has always been the one to notice it. But there was something special about watching Momo dance that day. Nayeon didn’t know if it was the dress or that she danced with Sana or if it was the way Momo wore her hair but she just couldn’t take Momo off of her mind.

 

A large part of her feels guilty about the immense and consuming awe she has over Momo.

 

Sana isn’t supposed to pale in comparison.

 

~~But she did.~~

 

It was Sunday and that meant it was Momo’s night. (Nayeon naturally allots certain days of the week for Momo. Nayeon refuses to make Momo cry again, refuses to treat her badly again.) When Momo opens the wooden door to her house with a bright smile on her lips, Nayeon feels her lips naturally turn up too.

 

Her heart feels light. Her heart knows this feeling. ~~It’s love.~~

 

Momo persuades Nayeon into watching _Sailor Moon_ with her. Momo insists that it’s important for Nayeon to know what she and Sana were talking about during lunch. Nayeon digresses but still settles into Momo’s arms (like she always does).

 

Usually, Nayeon is the first to fall asleep.

 

(Momo calls her a grandma for it but Nayeon owns it proudly—says she needs her sleep if she wanted to be pretty. Momo tells Nayeon that she takes “beauty sleep” way too far—says Nayeon is already pretty. Nayeon just pouts and digs her face into Momo’s neck. The beating in Momo’s chest speeds up.)

 

This time is different, however. Momo is conked out, her head lulling away from Nayeon’s shoulder. Nayeon shifts her body further from Momo so that she could at least lay Momo on her side and put her head in her lap. Momo may be able to sleep anywhere but that doesn’t stop her neck from aching.

 

Nayeon’s afraid of the beating in her chest. It’s too fast, too nervous, and too entranced by Momo. But, it confuses her more than it scares her. Her heart beats just the same when Sana holds her hands, beats faster when she kisses her. When Sana dances to some song Mina and her prepared for the school’s spring assembly, Nayeon’s thoughts are filled of her the same way Momo does. It confuses her how Momo and Sana both affect her so strongly.

 

Nayeon knows she loves Sana. Nayeon felt she has never smiled more in her life, nor has the world looked more beautiful to her. Sana has been nothing but the warm sunlight for her and more. Nayeon knows she loves Sana because she could imagine a life with her by her side, imagines that she would bear all the pain in the world for her if it meant it would protect her.

 

But the thing is, when she thought of Momo, Momo stood beside her and Sana as if she belonged together with them. Nayeon wanted to bear the world for her too.

 

Nayeon wants to believe that maybe Momo could belong with them.

 

More than that though, she is afraid. It terrifies her how Sana might not believe the same with her. It terrifies her more that she might lose Momo as a friend.

 

She can’t lose Sana. Nor can she lose Momo.

 

They’re her world.

  
She refuses to lose them. Nayeon negotiates with herself that how she has them now is enough.

 

~~It’s not.~~

 

~.~.~

 

Rom-coms always have the main female lead running into a fork in the road. She either chooses a man at one end or another man at the other. Or she either chooses her soulmate at the end of one prong or her career at the other.

 

Nayeon’s fork had Sana at one end and Momo at the other.

 

_Rom-com checklist: choosing between two (wo)men. Check._

 

However, Nayeon gives up on rom-coms to describe her love life. Instead, here’s the twist from her life’s queer coming of age film: Nayeon’s doesn’t want to choose. Nayeon cannot bear to choose.

 

Again, Nayeon cannot lose Sana. She cannot lose Momo.

 

What’s a girl to do when she finds herself loving two people equally the same and the two people are unaware of it?

 

Naturally, she asks the search engine of life (and, no, it is not her mom. Nayeon is sure her mother wouldn’t know the answer to her question.)

 

“Polyamory” sits in her search bar; her cursor blinks impatiently. Was Nayeon ready to accept that maybe this could be the answer to her question?

 

(Yes.)

 

As it goes, it is the answer to her questions. Nayeon fears that Sana and Momo won’t agree with her.

 

Nayeon wishes that her heart wouldn’t be so difficult.

 

(But, Nayeon couldn’t be more glad to love them both.)

 

~

 

As the showcase date for _La La Land_ comes closer and closer, Momo becomes antsier and antsier. It’s not that she’s afraid she will underperform or forget the dances and lines, but she’s afraid of disappointing everyone who believes in her.

 

Somehow she earned the support and trust from Sana, Tzuyu, Jihyo and Mina, Chaeyoung and Dahyun, and Jeongyeon over the course of senior year. (Momo knows that Nayeon has always supported and trusted her. Momo always fears disappointing her.)

 

At the final month of preparation, Momo feels the stress and paranoia pile on like bricks. It doesn’t take Sana long to see Momo wearing thin under the weight.

 

(Usually Nayeon would pick up on her quiet behavior and shifting feet first but like always, Nayeon was late.)

 

Momo learns Sana is a lot like a sponge. Sana surrounds herself with Momo and immerses herself in her. Sana has integrated herself into Momo’s life, has learned Momo’s habits and quirks. Sana learns about Momo quickly and retains what she learns just as easily.

 

~~Sana fears she might be _too_ fond of Momo. She ignores the thought. ~~

 

(Momo thinks that her life seemed better with Sana in it, wishes she could have more but immediately holds her head low for thinking of being Sana’s when she wasn’t. Especially when she was Nayeon’s.)

 

As soon as Sana sees Momo, she knows that Momo is not at her usual happy disposition. When she comes up to hug her from behind, she feels Momo turn into liquid. Sana figures this is the first time Momo has felt her muscles lax in days.

 

“Momoring, are you worrying about the play?”

 

Momo can’t lie to Sana. She nods her head. Sana pulls her closer and rests her head on Momo’s shoulders.

 

“Everything will be okay, Momo. You don’t have to worry about messing up or ruining things. You’ve been working hard to perfect this. Even if in the moment you can’t seem to remember the lines or the moves, your body will remember. There’s still time. There’s still time to practice and perfect everything. Breathe. You’ll be okay. I believe in you.”

 

Nayeon comes in at the tale end of Sana’s comforting spiel. Nayeon already knows Momo has been toiling under stress when she sees her chipped nails. And knowing Sana, Nayeon knows she’s doing her best to reassure her. Nayeon softly calls for their attention and opens her arms. Nayeon knows that when Momo is under a lot of stress, all she craves for is to be held.

 

Nayeon expects Sana to let go when Momo shifts into her hold. Sana just follows and leans her head against Momo’s. With Momo’s head hiding into her neck and Sana looking at Nayeon with all the concern and love for Momo in the world, Nayeon can’t help but to think that maybe Sana would be on her side, thinks that maybe Sana loves Momo too.

 

When the first bell rings, Sana and Nayeon are both reluctant to let go. When they do, Momo feels vulnerable and empty.

 

As Momo walks to her class with Mina, she realizes how her heart seemed to have beat faster the moment Sana came up to hold her and comfort her.

 

Momo knows what it is. Momo has felt it for years, for Nayeon.

 

She loves Sana the way she loves Nayeon and she does not question it. She does not find it odd. Sana and Nayeon are perfectly lovable people. Momo’s heart can’t help but to do exactly that.

 

~.~.~

 

It’s a blissfully warm sunny day and Sana invites Nayeon and Momo to the park with her. Momo has been far too stressed over the play and it was obvious that she needed a breather from anything having to do with it. Momo initially says no when they ask, insists that she has to practice. Nayeon and Sana does not take “no” for an answer and drags her by the hand to Nayeon’s car. Sana sits with Momo in the back to play with her hands. She thinks that it will distract Momo from thinking about the yellow bright dress she should be wearing. ~~(Spoiler: it does.)~~

 

Periodically, Nayeon looks into her rearview mirror. She smiles when she sees Momo’s head on Sana’s shoulder and smiles more when she hears Momo whine about Sana flirting too much.

 

Momo’s shrill whine breaks her out of her reverie, “Nayeonie, shouldn’t you be worried that your girlfriend is flirting with me?”

 

~~(Spoiler: she isn’t.)~~

 

Nayeon just laughs and flicks her eyes back to the rearview mirror and sees both of them smiling as well. Nayeon does not feel the need to answer.

 

Nayeon brings out the blanket in her car and lays it on the grass so that the three could lie on it. Sana sits herself in the middle, slings her arms around Nayeon and Momo, and brings them down with her as she lowers to the floor. The sun is bright and shines into their eyes and there is some bird chirping noisily away but Nayeon couldn’t be more at peace.

 

Sana feels that this is how she wants things to be. She wants Momo just as she wants Nayeon. Sana finds it odd that she does not feel wrong for wanting so.

 

~

 

Momo can’t remember the last time she danced for pleasure, for her own happiness. When Momo suddenly expresses so, Nayeon blindly pats around the blanket for her phone. When she finds it, she searches for the song that Nayeon knows Momo enjoys dancing to.

 

The beginning beats of EXO’s “Call Me Baby” is enough to get Momo on her feet and ready. Nayeon remembers that this is the first song Momo danced to for Nayeon. The nostalgia brings a fond smile to Nayeon’s face as she watches Momo’s body follow the choreography like it were walking. Nayeon has always watched Momo dancing as if it were a rare occurrence. She drunk every detail in, looked at Momo’s expressions, how her body smoothly rolls and twists.

 

Sana has seen Nayeon watching other people dance. Her eyes are not nearly as interested and attentive. Sana remembers flashes of Nayeon watching her dance. It looks about the same as the way she focuses on Momo.

 

Sana is more intuitive than others make her up to be. She is observant and quick on picking up emotions and reading them. She knows how to interpret what they mean and she knows exactly how to elicit them. Sana knows the look on Nayeon’s face. She has seen it before. In fact, she saw it just earlier in the day when Sana kissed her good morning.

 

Sana is positive Nayeon loves Momo.

 

However, she is unafraid because she knows Nayeon loves Sana just the same.

 

After the sun sets, Nayeon drops Momo off at her house and wishes good night to her. Nayeon notices how Sana kisses her cheek in farewell. Nayeon knows it’s anything but platonic when Sana lightly runs the tip of her nose over her cheek before kissing it. Nayeon knows because that’s what Sana does before she kisses her—she runs her nose against the expanse of her neck, kisses her jaw, then her lips. Nayeon knows Sana all too well.

 

When Nayeon arrives at Sana’s house, she walks Sana to her door. Before Sana turns to unlock her door and go in, Nayeon grabs at her hand.

 

She feels oddly brave tonight.

 

“We need to talk.”

 

Sana nods. She thinks she knows what Nayeon wants to say. She hopes she’s right because she’d be crushed if she was wrong.

 

“It’s about Momo.”

 

Sana nods again. She is positive she’ll sleep happily tonight.

 

“I think I love her. No. I know I love her.”

 

Sana’s right. She breathes a relieved sigh and laughs.

 

“Nayeonie, I love her too.”

 

Nayeon breaks out into the bunny-toothed smile that Sana loves so much. She cups Sana’s cheeks and brings her into a clumsy kiss.

 

(Nayeon couldn’t be more glad to have Sana on her side.)

 

(Sana sleeps more than just happily that night.)

  
~

 

Momo doesn’t often find things weird. From randomly losing a pair of socks to the drying machine to the odd moments of coincidences in her life, Momo just leaves it to the universe and its doings. However, she does find it weird how _okay_ Nayeon is with Sana flirting with her.

 

Momo knows Sana is affectionate. But Sana has been _too_ affectionate lately. It confuses her because instead of hanging off of Nayeon, she hangs off of Momo. Sana has also been quite generous with her kisses. She kisses her cheek to greet her in the morning, before lunch, after school, after dancing, and sometimes for no reason at all. It’s like Sana can’t get her hands off of her and insists that she must have contact with her no matter what. Even during lunch, Sana sits Momo on her lap instead of Nayeon and what confuses her the most is how _unbothered_ Nayeon is about this.

 

In fact, Nayeon too, has become more affectionate with her. Nayeon isn’t as giving with her affections like Sana is, but truthfully, no one could beat Sana at that. Still, Nayeon (and Sana) holds her hands and walks her to class even though Momo's room is in the opposite direction of their classes. When Nayeon drops her off, she pulls her into a hug forcing Momo’s head to rest on her chest. (Momo hears how fast her heartbeat is; she doesn’t know what to make of it.) Before they leave, Sana slips a kiss on Momo’s cheek accompanied with a happy giggle. As they slowly fade from her vision and Momo leaves to sit at her desk, she can’t help but to phase out the teacher and revel in how nice it felt to have them by her side.

 

Momo isn’t confused with what she feels. She knows it’s love.

 

Momo, however, doesn’t know what to do with this love. What is she to do when she loves two people who may not reciprocate?

 

(Momo can’t help herself. With Sana’s sincere affections and Nayeon’s fond look she often gives her, she allows herself to hope.)

 

(Momo wonders how much lean the universe would need to give her if she wanted to be theirs and have them be hers. She thinks the value must be astronomical.)

 

~

 

Luckily, the universe is on her side.

 

It’s the Friday two weeks before _La La Land’_ s showcase. Naturally, Momo is a bundle of nerves. She is at edge and she feels she might burst if someone even barely mentions the color yellow.

 

(At first Momo loved the bright number she wore for the play but it has now turned into a haunting reminder of her responsibilities.)

 

Like always, Nayeon and Sana pick up on her stress the moment they see her.

 

Like always, Nayeon pulls her into a comforting hug; Momo feels Sana curl up behind her. Momo thinks that this is her safe haven. Nayeon kisses her on the forehead and Sana kisses her shoulder.

  
(It’s odd. Momo knows Nayeon loves her. She knows Sana also loves her. Momo doesn’t know how to put the pieces together. She cannot fathom the truth in whole. Nayeon and Sana love her, all at once, all the same, and it’s a new and boggling thought to understand.

 

Momo thinks she might finally know what reciprocated love feels like.)

 

Once again, the three visit the park to ease Momo’s worries. The sun is particularly harsh today so they find themselves under the shady protection of an oak tree. With Nayeon trailing her fingers over Momo’s arms and Sana playing with her fingers, Momo feels her heart burst. She loves Nayeon, that much has been true for so long. She loves how attentive she is to Momo’s feelings, how she dedicates herself to being the best for others, and how she protects those she loves. But Momo also loves Sana—loves how she finds the good in everything and becomes a beacon of light, loves how Sana will not let a day pass until Momo knows she is loved, loves how Sana loves. Momo can’t keep her heart calm anymore; she can’t keep her mouth shut. Momo shuts her eyes and blurts what has been stirring inside her chest. Momo fears rejection—terrified that Nayeon and Sana will disappear from her life.

 

“I love you. Both of you. Like, I feel I might suffocate if I keep it in anymore.”

 

Nayeon and Sana are naturally surprised by the sudden confession. Their fingers are at a still. Nayeon feels her body move before she lets it. Her hand settles on Momo’s cheeks and fully turns her body towards her.

 

“Momo, look at me. Please.”

 

There is so much fear and anticipation in Momo’s eyes. Nayeon smiles gently at her and caresses her thumb across Momo’s cheeks. She takes Sana’s hands in hers and kisses Momo’s forehead.

 

“We love you too, Moguri.”

 

Momo feels Sana’s hand on the small of her back and hears Sana’s voice twinkle past her ears; she feels Sana run the tip of her nose against the side of her neck and feels a chaste kiss at her pulse.

 

“You’ve always been the brave one out of all three of us, haven’t you? You make yourself small but you are so much more than you think. If you think I’m a beacon of light, you’re our beacon of hope and if you think Nayeon is your protector, you are our fighter. You’ve fought for us for so long, Momoring. Thank you for waiting for us.”

 

Nayeon has always believed that there was so much to love about Momo and she always wished that Momo would find someone to believe the same as her. Nayeon and Momo happened to find the same girl who could love them both.

 

(Sana has the capability to love the whole world—her whole world basically _is_ Nayeon and Momo, so naturally, she does.)

 

When Momo walks to her door, Sana and Nayeon are by her side, her hands interlocked with theirs. Before she disappears behind her wooden door, Nayeon presses a kiss to her cheek and holds her tight. (She wonders for how long has Momo loved her and how long Momo suffered under her oblivion. Nayeon promises herself to make up for it. Momo deserves the best of her love in return.)

 

Momo doesn’t know how she went from having zero girlfriends to two in one day. Momo doesn’t question it, just accepts that the universe might love her too.

 

~.~.~

 

 _La La Land_ shows on Friday; today is Monday; Momo is stressed—Momo is also over the moon. When she arrives at school, Sana greets her at her locker with gummies and a kiss on the cheek. (Sana knows that food is the way to distract Momo. Sana also knows that Momo _really likes_ her cheek kisses—she is more than happy to give them to her.) When Sana holds her hand and kisses it, Momo feels as if Sana were with her her whole life. Nayeon arrives late, like always. She kisses Sana good morning, pecks the corner of Momo’s lips and proceeds to gather her materials for class.

 

Jihyo and Mina stare in awe at the three girls. They’re not too sure about what they saw or what’s happening, but is that Sana smiling about Nayeon’s affection with Momo? When Jihyo and Mina approach the girls and greet them, Sana, Momo, and Nayeon act as if nothing had happened, as if Sana didn’t just see her girlfriend kiss her best friend right in front of her.

 

(Jihyo hears Jeongyeon shout in the back of her mind, “Is Nayeon serious? Right in front of Sana’s salad?!” Jihyo doesn’t entirely understand what that phrase means but she has a feeling it applies here.)

 

The three converse as if nothing has changed, when very obviously, something has. Jihyo and Mina are left in confusion when the first bell rings and they walk off with their hands interlocked.

 

~

 

Friday arrives in the blink of an eye. Nayeon and Sana haven’t seen Momo at all as Tzuyu cleared her for the day for the sake of the play. Nayeon and Sana know Momo is buzzing with nerves and doubts even before the day comes—they send her encouraging messages at midnight for Momo to wake up to.

 

(Later on during nutrition, Sana attaches a voice message of her, Nayeon, Jihyo, and Mina shouting, “Momoring, fighting!”

 

Momo saves it before her message is lost—she replays it twenty times over after.

 

During lunch, Nayeon sends Momo a picture of Sana eating and captions it, “dinner on Sana after the play!!”

 

After school, Sana sends her a text message to come outside of the theater room. Upon opening the door, Nayeon and Sana await outside with their arms outstretched. Momo falls into them and she feels she can breathe for the first time that day. Momo hears “I love you” in both of her ears from Nayeon and Sana, feels two kisses at her cheek, and two pats on her butt to usher her back into the room.)

 

As showtime slowly arrives, Tzuyu and Momo are showing pictures of their dogs to each other. It’s the best way to distract them both. Momo thinks there’s not a thing or person in this world that Tzuyu loves more than Gucci—her dog, not the brand. Tzuyu praises Momo’s dedication to care for two dogs despite her crazy allergies. Tzuyu says that it says a lot about Momo and gives her a genuine smile.

 

The play goes off without a hitch. The acting is as good as it gets with high school students, the dancing is infinitely better with Momo and Tzuyu as the leads, the stage doesn’t fall apart (Tzuyu thanks Chaeyoung graciously for her hard work), and Momo is perfect. She executes her lines to the best of her ability and she does not miss a single step in the choreography. As the final bow occurs,  Nayeon, Sana, Jihyo, Mina, Dahyun, and Jeongyeon stand and shout obnoxiously for Momo and Tzuyu’s names. (Somewhere in that mess is a “Chaengie did That with the stage design!” It’s no surprise that it’s Dahyun who says it.)

 

When Momo and Tzuyu meet up with their group, flower bouquets fall into her arms. Sana and Nayeon kiss Momo’s cheeks and then pinch at Tzuyu’s. Sana looks more excited about the success of this play than Momo does. And Momo is _elated_.

 

Momo feels as if she could take on the world. She walks with her shoulders squared and her head high. She marvels at how freeing it feels to be confident.

 

After the dinner that Sana does end up paying for, Nayeon and Sana walk Momo to her door as they usually do. Nayeon tugs at Momo’s hand to call for her attention. Nayeon’s hands fall to her cheeks, caresses them, and feels how warm they are. When Nayeon shuffles her feet closer, brushes the tip of her nose on Momo’s and whispers, “I’m so proud of you, Momoring,” Momo can’t help but to kiss her. Nayeon’s lips are soft and warm and no matter how many times Momo imagined this moment, nothing could describe how wanted it made her feel. Nayeon kisses her slow and sweet and it’s everything Momo could have wanted. After Nayeon places a kiss on Momo’s nose, Momo turns towards Sana and embraces her tight. Sana has been her saving grace. Reassuring her left and right, listening when Momo needed her to, and hugging her when Momo fell silent, Sana has been a force to fight Momo’s doubts and insecurities. Momo kisses Sana too. She puts her thanks in it and all the love Momo could possess in it. Sana’s lips are soft just as Nayeon’s are. Her kiss is more playful and feels a lot like laughing.

 

There is no dissonance, no interruption. _Nayeon &Sana _ turns into _Nayeon &Sana&Momo. _

 

~

 

The weekend arrives and Nayeon invites Sana and Momo over to marathon rom-coms. Nayeon is settled in Momo’s arms (like she always is). Sana curls up into hers (like she always does) and Nayeon finally knows the answer to her question.

 

What is love?

 

Certainly a rom-com could never answer that for her.

 

Sana and Momo could.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> beep me (on twitter @sanaswish) if u wanna reach me  
> cross posted on aff


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